I’ve been dealing with all sorts of things this year. 2018 hasn’t been a bad year, but it has definitely been one of surprises, sadness, contemplation, and some general re-arranging of thoughts and priorities. It’s been messy. It’s been full of some absolutely, unbelievably wonderful family time….but it’s been hard.
Here’s a post I wrote on Facebook and shared with my friends. Maybe this will speak to you as well….
It’s not too hard to withdraw from your “regular” life to take some time to reflect, heal, focus on some self-care, and just regroup and focus. People are more than willing to politely give you space and tell you to let them know when you are “back.”
What no one tells you is how hard it is to try to jump back into your “old” life when you feel like a different person. How lonely it is to have been left behind while others kept living their regular lives and to know you were not part of it. How awkward it is when you get together with people again and it’s just not the same….and you wonder if it ever will be again.
If y’all see me around and things seem different, they are. I don’t really like being vulnerable, although I always try to keep it real. I like to be strong and I like to be steady, but that’s just not my reality right now. The truth is, I feel pretty alone right now and I’m trying to figure things out.
I know I have a tribe and that I shouldn’t feel this way, but I’ve chosen to shut everyone out for months and now it is coming back to bite me in the rear.
I’m so thankful for my patient and precious husband. He is there for all the ups and downs and keeps things in perspective for me. I’m also grateful to be blessed with 5 of the best friends ever, all of whom I happen to have birthed myself! I truly could never be alone, even if I wanted to be. They fill my heart with so much love and are seemingly blind to my flaws.
Friends, let me know you’re still there. I am probably going to be a crappy friend sometimes. I miss you guys and apologize that I have such a strong desire to join you, but lack the energy and confidence right now to be all in. I’m getting there. Be patient.